Today is the twentieth anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings.
Jul. 7th, 2025 08:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nanilaI'm coping by watching the BBC documentary series on the bombings. For some reason I need some kind of external validation for feeling the way I do today and this is providing it.
(Access locked) Posts from that date: DW, LJ
Here is what I wrote on the 8th of July, 2005.
Terrorism isn't about the reality of statistics. Of the several million people living in or visiting the greater London area, a tiny percentage were physically hurt or killed by the bombings. A slightly larger percentage witnessed them firsthand, and a huge number of them were temporarily inconvenienced by the shutdown of the London Transport system. The chances that the next bus or tube journey that the average Londoner makes will have a bomb on it are not much greater than they were yesterday or will be tomorrow. But, as I said, this is not about statistics. It's about the perception of statistics. However miniscule your chances were and are of being blown to bits by a terrorist attack, they are now at the forefront of your mind, whether you want them to be or not.
Terrorism isn't about the frequency of occurrence of terrorist acts, or of similar kinds of attacks made during open war. Londoners of different generations experienced the Blitz and the IRA bombings of the 1980s. Many of them have been through this before. However, it is the very unpredictability of terrorism that makes it so frightening, that makes a return to normalcy as difficult as it was the last time, because the ordinary citizen has no way of knowing when, where or if another attack will happen.
People deal with this in a myriad of ways. Some become defiant, others resigned. Some find themselves swallowing down fear for weeks, months or years after the events, every time they board a bus or enter an Underground station. This is the real point of terrorist attacks, not the body count. All emotional responses are fully permissible, but it is the way that we act upon them that will determine whether or not we build a world in which the slight probability of terrorist attack on the average citizen will continue to be a weapon that can wield so much power.
minoanmiss in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
agonyauntAsking Eric: Adult children object to parents’ burial plans
Jul. 7th, 2025 08:58 amfox in agonyauntDear Eric: I am very much enjoying the second time around following a long and less than joyful first marriage. My problem is plans for burial.
All of our children are terribly against our marriage even though both of our spouses were deceased at the time we met. Our children have virtually no relationship with us now and if there is any contact it is ugly.
I have a cemetery plot out of state with my deceased wife. My wife has a local plot with her deceased husband. I would like to get a new plot for the two of us but expect that any such request would receive pushback and be ignored.
My wife’s mother is buried with her second husband using her last name at the time of her death and her father is buried with a subsequent wife so there is precedent for what I want but I know her daughter would require that her mother be buried next to her father.
How do I get what I want?
I have not discussed any of this with my wife. If I did and she brought it up with her daughter the reaction would be for the daughter to express her displeasure by keeping the grandchildren from my wife. She has done that for less. If I am to get a plot, I should do that sooner rather than later as they are in short supply.
While living I would feel great joy if I could know that I could count on being buried beside my wife for all of eternity. Am I being silly to not just take the easy route?
— Burial Conflict
Plans: You have every right to make a burial plan that suits your life and your love. And — this might be controversial — you don’t have to tell your kids. If you have virtually no relationship as it is, you certainly don’t need to bend to their wishes. It seems there’s no pleasing them, anyway.
In general, it’s better to communicate about final wishes and plans for one’s end-of-life in advance. This helps intentions to be understood and gets questions answered while you’re still around to answer them. But the conflict that’s roiling your family complicates things.
Without knowing more about the circumstances of your marriage, I can’t say your kids are completely wrong, but the punishment you mentioned is more than concerning.
Perhaps they’re struggling with acceptance because of unprocessed grief, perhaps there’s something else going on that I’m not privy, too. Either way, the stated conditions dictate that the burial conversation should happen only between you and your wife right now. Once you’re both on the same page, you’ll know what the next step is. That might mean purchasing a joint plot that makes you happy and appointing someone other than one of your kids as executor. (That last part is probably wise regardless.)
There would still be a lot of complications, of course. Namely, one of you will predecease the other and at that point, presumably, the kids would find out the plan. So, while you are working on doing what brings you joy, I’d also encourage you to get down to the root of what’s going on with your kids.
(no subject)
Jul. 4th, 2025 04:19 pmredbird in thisfinecrewA post about spreading the word about the June 14 protests
chestnutpod posted links to two grass-roots jail-support organizationsLink to a Republican congressman's op-ed against Trump's big bill
Contacting the Department of Energy about section 504"
a guide to writing to ICE detainees
toastykitten posted several links to anti-war stuffOrganizing a Congressional district office visit
Some ideas to block the horrible reconciliation bill
Thanks to everyone who posted.
Here's a poll to tell us what you've been doing:
This month, I
called one of my senators
8 (57.1%)
called my other senator
8 (57.1%)
called my congressmember
6 (42.9%)
called my governor
2 (14.3%)
called my mayor, state rep, or other local official
1 (7.1%)
diddid get-out-the-vote work, such as postcarding or phone banking
1 (7.1%)
voted
0 (0.0%)
sent sent a postcard/email/letter/fax to a government official or agency
5 (35.7%)
went to a protest
5 (35.7%)
attended an in-person activist group
2 (14.3%)
went to a town hall
0 (0.0%)
participated in phone or online training
1 (7.1%)
donated money to a cause
8 (57.1%)
worked for a campaign
0 (0.0%)
did textbanking/phonebanking
1 (7.1%)
took care of myself
7 (50.0%)
not a US citizen, but worked in solidarity in my community
1 (7.1%)
did something else (tell us about it in comments)
2 (14.3%)
committed to action in the coming month
5 (35.7%)
As always, everyone is free to make posts about any issues and actions they think the comm should know about. You can also drop some information into a comment to our sticky post if you'd like the mods to do it.
If you're looking for information on anything else, you can use our tags to check for any ongoing actions or resources relevant to the issues you care about. I try to keep the tag list up-to-date. If you need a tag added, you can DM me.
(no subject)
Jul. 4th, 2025 06:24 amconuly in agonyauntI grew up in poverty, where we were always on the edge of eviction. If it wasn’t for school, my siblings and I wouldn’t have eaten. It left a large mark on me. I am much more financially conservative than my husband. I have also been the main breadwinner since we married. We need a cushion before even thinking about kids, it’s really important to me. But my in-laws don’t care!
My sisters-in-law grew up in luxury, graduated with degrees they never used, and married rich. Ever since we got married, they constantly try to pressure us to have kids. When I’ve said we want to be more financially stable, they blow me off and say that “families do it all the time” and that “God will provide.” I have told my mother-in-law and husband how condescending this nonsense is to me. They both said that everyone just wants the “best” for us.
Recently, my sister-in-law started in on me again with her breeding propaganda: How I wasn’t getting any younger (I turned 33 this year); That there “never a perfect time to have a baby;” and how “Divine Providence provides for everyone.” Well I finally lost my temper. I asked her where was God the times I went hungry to give food to my younger siblings? Or how is he providing for starving kids in war zones? She started to cry, so now I am the villain. My in-laws told my husband I need therapy. My reply is that maybe my actual life experience and personhood is worth a drop of empathy, and they should stop treating me like I was a sow at market. How can I get them to realize that not everyone is rich like they are and that some of us do need to save and plan for kids?
—Not Breeding Anytime Soon
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Jul. 2nd, 2025 11:38 pmconuly in agonyauntOur house sits on a heavily wooded hill, and there isn’t much in terms of street lights—and no sidewalks. Though there are only a few houses on our bend of the road, we get people speeding through. We have new neighbors. The mother’s behavior is going to end in tragedy.
The neighbors have several very small children. The mom, for some unholy reason, thinks nothing of letting them bike in the street. She lets her babies ride around well ahead of her as she strolls leisurely several yards behind. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.
My husband has already had a close call with one of the kids. He was backing out and the toddler zoomed right behind the bumper. Luckily, my husband was paying attention and was fast to put his foot on the brake. Even going as slow as he was, just a few miles per hour, it would have been a tragedy if he hadn’t been alert.
The mother’s reaction was to lay into my husband for not being careful enough! The kicker is that she said her kids have a right to play in the street. (There is a park five blocks away, but that is too far for her to go, apparently.) My husband said it was a bad conversation.
What do we do here? It would haunt me if one of these kids got hit because their mother was too lazy to care.
—Blind Corner
( Read more... )
Ideas to block the current bill
Jul. 2nd, 2025 11:23 amfabrisse in thisfinecrewI live in Georgia. Rich McCormick is Georgia District 6, and I live in District 1. But he's more likely to respond to someone from the same state, especially if he has Senate or Gubernatorial ambitions in the future.
The list I found is through The Patients Action Network. If you are in a District with one of these Republican representatives, particularly if they specialize in Emergency or Family medicine, start calling and/or emailing. If you are in the same state, email them and let them know you have a long memory if they're thinking of statewide offices.
In the meantime, send support to the few Republicans in the House who have already voted against it and continue to oppose it. At the very least, let's make them miss their deadline for vacation.
Ask A Manager: refusing to work for a customer for moral reasons,
Jul. 1st, 2025 11:38 amminoanmiss in agonyaunt1SE for June 2025
Jun. 30th, 2025 10:04 pmnanilaI can't quite believe how much has happened this month. At least 60 days of stuff were packed into June's 30. And now we're halfway through the year. Dear Time, Please slow down, Love, Me.
Rebuilding journal search again
Jun. 30th, 2025 03:18 pmalierak in ![[site community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/comm_staff.png){kind=small}
dw_maintenanceMeanwhile search services should be running, but probably returning no results or incomplete results for most queries.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference
Jun. 28th, 2025 01:44 pmconuly in agonyauntI, on the other hand, have always felt different. I was more sensitive, more artistic and more emotional growing up. While they were into sports and fixing things with Dad, I was reading, journaling or off by myself. I was teased for being "too dramatic" or "too much," and I learned early on to keep my feelings to myself.
Now that we are adults, not much has changed. Family group chats often go on without me. I find out about birthdays or get-togethers after the fact. When I try to bring it up gently, I get told I'm imagining things or taking things too personally. My mom says she loves me just as much, but I still feel like I'm standing on the outside looking in.
I want to be part of the family, not just in name but in heart. I want to feel seen, heard and valued -- not like the extra piece that doesn't quite fit. Is there anything I can do to shift this dynamic, or is it time to accept that things may never change? -- Outside in My Family
( Annie's advice is better than I would've hoped for )
Gosh, I wonder why these adult kids don't want their overbearing parents in their lives...!
Jun. 28th, 2025 04:42 amconuly in agonyauntMy issue is, my son told me I needed to leave when they and the baby came home from the hospital. Mind you, I live 6 1/2 hours away. I fought him to get at least three days when they got home. Then he said I needed to leave, but he never told his father-in-law to leave. Also, on the days I did stay, they asked me to get a motel while her parents stayed with them. I only got to go over during the day.
When I told my son my feelings were hurt, he said I was being a drama queen. I did respect everything they asked. I just want to know if I was wrong for sharing my feelings or should I have remained quiet. It has caused friction between us now. -- SECOND-CLASS IN TENNESSEE
( Read more... )
2. DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son, who is on the spectrum but high-functioning, has left home. He's legally an adult but wouldn't allow me to teach him normal survival skills, such as balancing a checkbook, paying with a debit card, etc. He knows very little about the world; he learns from his online friends.
It has been four months, and he has now changed his phone number and won't call, email or text. He moved across the country to live with an online friend. I'm very concerned about him. What should I do? I don't email him often, but when I do, I just tell him I love him, and I never say anything negative. -- LOST IN CALIFORNIA
( Read more... )